“I will endure a lifetime of missing you for the privilege of loving you.”
It is safe to say that one of the hardest parts of owning and loving a dog is saying goodbye. Whether that final farewell is anticipated and planned for because of illness, injury or age, or comes unexpectedly, it’s something every dog owner will face.
Sometimes that decision is taken out of our hands by circumstances and we‘re left feeling shell shocked, bereft and blindsided.
At other times, we find ourselves bearing the weight and responsibility of that decision. Knowing how, and when, can be tough. It might even feel impossible.
Whatever set of circumstances has brought you to the point of saying goodbye, how do you make it the very best experience possible? And how do you go on to handle the loss and deal with the grief that follows that final goodbye?
A Special Bond
The unconditional bond we share with our dogs is incredibly special, and sometimes profound. Dogs are more than just pets; they hold a unique place in our hearts. They accept us without judgement. Their constant, faithful companionship can feel irreplaceable.
Even if life with your dog hasn’t been exactly as you imagined, the sense of loss will still be profound when the time comes to say goodbye.
For many of us, our dogs are more than just animals—they are our confidants, exercise partners, and providers of unconditional love. Unlike human relationships, the love between a dog and its owner is uncomplicated and constant. When that connection is severed, it can leave an enormous void. Understanding this bond is crucial to processing the grief that follows the loss of a dog.
The Twilight Years
Watching your dog grow old and slow down can be heart-wrenching. You wish you could freeze time so that you never have to face that final goodbye. If you’ve had the privilege of sharing many years with your dog, they have undoubtedly given you memories and taught you lessons that will live on long after they have gone.
Saying goodbye to your “heart dog,” the one who has left an indelible mark on your life, can feel unbearable.
Or perhaps you find yourself having to contemplate the loss of a dog who has challenged you, taught you things you didn’t know you needed to learn and made you a better trainer - and a better person.
As their guardian, supporting them through their twilight years and ensuring their final moments are peaceful is perhaps the most important job you’ll have.
Knowing When It’s Time
Deciding when it’s time to say goodbye can be the hardest decision you’ll ever make as a dog owner. You might think there’s always going to be more time—another tomorrow. But eventually, the day will come when you need to help your dog transition from life to death in as painless and peaceful a way as possible.
How do you know when it’s the right time?
And how do you make that final journey as calm and positive as possible?
Assessing Your Dog’s Quality of Life
As your dog ages, their quality of life may begin to deteriorate. Perhaps they have more bad days than good. Your dog may have a serious or terminal illness which is going to limit the number of their days.
Depending on the circumstances, it can be very noticeable if your dog is suddenly struggling with pain, or is suffering after an accident or as a result of an illness. In some respects, that makes your decision a little easier. Perhaps it even takes it out of your hands all together.
If older age has crept up more gradually and less noticeably, it can be harder to determine when things reach that point where quality of life is compromised. Much as you want the very best for your dog, you may also not be emotionally ready to accept that the time is coming to say goodbye.
When assessing your dog's quality of life, it’s important to consider all aspects of their mental and physical wellbeing. A great vet will give you all the information you need to help guide your decision-making and will provide a more objective assessment.
Having other knowledgeable people around you will help too. Ask questions. When it comes down to it, you need to be comfortable in whatever decision you make.
While your vet can provide valuable professional advice, they only see a brief snapshot. You know your dog better than anyone else. It’s essential to consider your vet’s expert opinion, but also trust your own judgement. You see your dog every day and are in the best position to understand how they are coping or if they are struggling.
Consider whether your dog still enjoys activities they used to love, whether they are in pain, and if they find it hard to move around comfortably. Asking yourself these questions can help you make an informed decision about when it’s time to say goodbye.
Now is a time to be your dog’s champion and very best advocate - just as you have been throughout their lifetime.
Better a Week Too Soon Than a Day Too Late
One of the hardest things to accept is that it’s better to say goodbye a little too early than a day too late. You don’t want your dog’s last day to be full of pain and suffering. As difficult as it may be, this decision should be about your dog’s wellbeing, not your desire to hold on.
If You Have Time to Prepare
If you have the time to plan, focus on what you can control. Consider where you want to say goodbye, who should be there, and what your dog’s final resting place will be. Making these decisions in advance can take some of the stress out of an already emotional experience.
Making Memories
If you have time before the final goodbye, creating special memories can help ease the pain. Whether it’s a final trip to the beach, a favourite walk, or simply giving your dog a treat they love, these moments can bring comfort. Consider taking paw prints, saving a clipping of fur, or creating a scrapbook.
Dealing with the Unexpected
Sometimes, a dog’s life is cut short by illness, injury, or accident, leaving little or no time to say goodbye. In these circumstances, grief can be overwhelming, often accompanied by shock, trauma, and guilt. It’s important to recognise that these feelings are natural and part of the grieving process.
Grieving the loss of a dog is a perfectly natural response. The process of grief is different for everyone, and there is no “normal” timeline. Whether your grief lasts weeks, months, or years, it’s important to allow yourself to feel and process these emotions. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you’re going through, and find ways to honour your dog’s memory.
Acknowledging and Navigating Grief
Anyone who has had the privilege of sharing their heart and home with a dog understands the grief that comes with saying goodbye.
Grief over the loss of a dog is often misunderstood by those who haven't experienced it. You might hear phrases like "it was just a dog," but the truth is, the grief is real and significant. Each person grieves differently, and there is no "right" way to navigate this journey.
Some common feelings you might experience include:
- Shock and Denial: Even if the loss was anticipated, it can be hard to accept that your dog is really gone.
- Anger: You might feel angry at the situation, at yourself, or at the unfairness of losing a companion.
- Guilt: It's common to feel guilty, questioning whether you could have done more or if you made the right decisions.
- Sadness: Deep sadness can take hold, affecting your daily life and making it hard to find joy in anything.
Acknowledging these emotions and understanding that they are part of the grieving process can help you find your way through this difficult time.
Finding Comfort and Support
Whether you’re approaching that time where you have to make the hardest of decisions on behalf of your beloved dog, or you’ve already faced that most difficult of goodbyes, you don’t have to go through this alone. Sharing your feelings with others who understand can be incredibly comforting. Whether it’s with friends, family, or an online community, talking about your dog and your grief can help ease the burden. Connecting with others who have been through similar experiences can provide invaluable support and understanding.
Honouring Your Dog’s Memory and Celebrating their Life
Finding ways to honour and celebrate your dog's memory can be a healing part of the grieving process.
Here are a few ideas:
- Create a Memorial: Consider setting up a small area in your home or garden with your dog’s photo, their collar, or another keepsake.
- Write a Tribute: Putting your feelings into words can be therapeutic. Write a letter or a tribute that celebrates your dog’s life and the joy they brought you.
- Donate in Their Name: Consider making a donation to an animal charity or rescue in your dog’s name as a way of paying it forward.
Supporting Children and Other Pets
The loss of a family dog may be your child’s first experience with death. Be honest with them, answer their questions, and give them time to grieve.
Surviving pets may also grieve the loss of their companion. Every dog is different. Some might not show any signs that anything is amiss or different, while for others there may be obvious changes in behaviour. Remember that dogs are quick to pick up on human stress and emotion, so your other dogs may be responding to your own grief too.
Provide a secure, loving environment with lots of positive interactions. Making sure you still get out for walks and play games will help you and your dog live with and through your grief.
Invest plenty of time in your relationship with your surviving dog(s) and do more of whatever they enjoy. Low pressure games that boost your dog’s optimism will make both of you feel more positive.
Looking Ahead: Healing and Moving Forward
Grieving the loss of a dog doesn’t mean forgetting them. Over time, the pain will lessen, and you’ll be able to look back on your memories with a smile instead of tears. Healing is a personal journey, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time.
Get Your Free Resource: "Saying Goodbye"
At Absolute Dogs, we are all about empowering you with the knowledge, tools, and confidence to make the best decisions for your dog’s wellbeing - and that includes that very last decision you have to make for your dog.
That's why we've created "Saying Goodbye", a full-length resource that provides guidance, support, and comfort for anyone facing that final goodbye - helping you navigate the questions you’ll inevitably have and be as informed as possible, so you know you’re making the very best decision for your dog.
To receive your free copy, simply pop your email address in the form below. And if you know someone who would benefit, we’d love you to share.
In Memory of our Gamechanger Dogs
Tokyo
Eazy
Jasper
Popi
And all the other dogs we’ve had the privilege of loving.
“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
A. A. Milne
